Hold On, Anus Needs A Break, According to Anus


TUSCALOOSA, ALABAMA– After three exhausting hours of hard pounding by a massive cock interrupted by angry, unceremonious fingering with barely any lube, a trembling, engorged anus belonging to Tea Party member Earl Dunger needed a break, accordingly to sources close to the anus.

“Hold on, I just need to catch my breath,” the anus reportedly said. “I mean, it’s great, but I just need to relax for a second. Maybe check in with the mouth for a minute?”

The anus, which was described as “hairy and kind of lumpy around the rim, but still nice. You know, like a normal older guy butthole,” surprised onlookers with its initial endurance and tenacity.

“I can take a beating, believe me,” said the anus. “But there comes a point where I’m just like ‘enough!’ Plus, I have this hemorrhoid that kinda pops out sometimes, so it can be painful to keep swallowing penis after a while.”

The massive cock, which reportedly belonged to Birmingham-based escort Jack Rawtop, was unhappy about the pause.

“I want to see what’s up there, plain and simple. And if I’m not slamming past intestinal lining, visible capillaries and flecks of fecal smudge, what the fuck am I doing here, amirite?” said Rawtop’s penis. “Also, I haven’t vomited in like three and a half days, and that is WAY too long.”

The anus, however, was reportedly ready after a couple minutes break, which included a trip to the bathroom to be gently dabbed with toilet paper.

“A lady always has to look her best,” said the anus. “And so do I. Thank God there wasn’t any blood, just a little Santorum.”


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