ARE YOU MAD AT ME? An Open Letter To Straight People

ben

 

By Robin Trevino – GayCo Ensemble Member

 

A famous straight white guy once said, “In this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes.” That straight white guy’s name was Benjamin Franklin; yes, THAT Benjamin Franklin.

One thing I thought I could always be certain of is that even though me and my beau walked down that aisle, exchanged rings, and trekked up to Iowa for that marriage certificate; I still had one last place I could call myself “single” without feeling like a total skeaze – no, not Grindr while on vacation – on my taxes.

“Single or Married?”

“Single actually. Sorry honey, it’s the law.”

Well, apparently the Treasury Department, following up on the Supreme Court’s ruling in June striking down a key section of the 1996 Defense of Marriage Act, announced that gay and lesbian married couples can file joint federal tax returns. Certainty obliterated. Fuck you Benjamin Franklin – ok, that was mean – I didn’t mean that. Benjamin Franklin was great. You’re great. So why are you doing this to me? Are you mad at me?

You used to put me in cute little outfits on television and have me prance around, lisping “silly sailors” like I was Cindy fucking Brady. Now look at how I’m being portrayed; Annette Bening played a controlling bitch lesbian in The Kids Are Alright; the latest James Bond film featured its first gay villain; and then you went and brought some of my favorite musicals to the silver screen, i.e., RENT and Les Miserables, only to take giant shits all over them right in front of my desperately-hopeful-till-the-very-end face. I’m getting severely mixed signals here.  Why are you doing this to me? Is it thomething I thaid?  🙁

There was a time when I considered you to be my strong protector and I was your delicate porcelain angel.  You would keep us home from war along with your wives and mothers, so that our chaste eyes would not be poisoned by the ugliness of combat.  Outlawing gay adoption and surrogacy was a super sweet way of saying, “Hey, you’re the youngest and the cutest in this house, and that’s the way it’s gonna stay.” And then what happens? “Hey gays, go to war!” “Hey gays, get married!” “Hey gays, go ahead and have a baby – you’re not gonna be young forever!” Um, since when?!?! You still refuse to let my precious blood be extracted for the preservation of the sick and dying; and I think that’s super romantic. Clearly, you still care a little. But, when you take all that away, what am I supposed to think? What happened to us?

I still like-like you. Not just as a friend. Do you still like-like me?  (Please check one)

yes

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