Kelly Beeman

 


Campaign Update: Come meet the candidates and place as many votes as you can at the Vote Early and OFTEN political PARTY @ the Annoyance Theatre, Sunday, Nov. 4th, 8:15p-9:30p.

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Campaign Update:
If you think you should know who you are voting for then please watch this.
Stunning revelations about Kathy Betts.

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Kelly came from humble beginnings. Her parents gave up their marriage to God as a priest and a nun when they fell in love and married each other.  Talk about separation of church and state!  There was no hard feelings from God, but it is still awkward when they are at the same party.  After moving to Virginia they gave birth to their 2nd daughter, Kelly.  Upon leaving her mother’s womb,  a nurse wrapped her in an American flag, saying “this one is special”.  That nurse was never to be seen again.

Kelly grew up playing American sports like basketball, softball, and soccer. Her senior year of high school she won the ROTC Student Athlete Scholarship award.  Although she was not in the ROTC program and she was the only student to fill out the application for the award, she was very proud to serve her country so bravely.

She received her bachelor’s degree in Physics from Roanoke College, Virginia where she played American soccer and in American fashion, partied like it was 1999 in her sorority Delta Gamma.
Fortunately, it was the year 1999, so she wasn’t just being a stupid drunk chick.  It was about to be Y2K, all proper Americans thought they were going to die.

Kelly has spent 12 years working selflessly for the American company Motorola as a Reliability Engineer.  Working 6-8 grueling hours a day to support her American girlfriend and American step daughter, her mission is to make sure each American can use a cell phone to log onto the American internet without failure.   Although she lives in Illinois her heart stays true to her homeland of Virginia.  Her blood is blue in her veins, red when it touches air, and white when seen as platelets under the microscope.

Where does Kelly stand?

On America:  Its great!  Its where I’m from and plan to be from there  the rest of my life.

On The United States:  The only way states can stay together, is to be united.

On being an American:  The only way to be all that you can be is in the army.  The only way to be American, is to love apple pie.

On Capital Punishment:   Like most true blooded Americans, Kelly believes that certain state capitals do deserve to be punished (ex: Cheyenne, Wyoming).  While others respond better to nurture and therapy (ex: Pierre, South Dakota).  In the end, it’s up to the psychologists to decide.

 

 

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