Report: Men on All-Male Fox News Panel All Super Great at Sex

 

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NEW YORK – Every single member of a recent all-male panel on Fox News’s Lou Dobbs Tonight that thoughtfully discussed the controversy of female breadwinners was confirmed to be the best at sex, sources says. The panel of indisputable sex champions consisted of host Dobbs, analyst Juan Williams, Red State contributor Erik Erickson and someone named Doug Schoen.

The men each asserted that males serve a “dominant” role in marriages while women should shut up, stay at home and wait for their men to come home and fuck them really, really good. Just like, so good, every single time.

Erickson, who has been known to thoroughly please women for hours upon hours with his doughy frame and not-tiny, not-constantly-sad penis, insisted that science states that men are the dominant gender and women making more money than men is “tearing [society] apart, and also threatening to my ability to sex up an overly whiny woman’s vagina until her silly fever of emotions breaks and she remembers that I am The Man.”

Sources also confirm that Williams has the greatest penis in history, Schoen can motorboat a woman better than any porn star ever, and having sex with Lou Dobbs is sitting on the face of God times a trillion.

In a recent Fox News poll, 1,000% of women would have sex with any of these men at a drop of a hat and be their personal sex slaves forever, because they are just that manly and virile. The poll was conducted by Dobbs, Erickson, Schoen and Williams, and answered only by them.

 

(This is a fake news article brought to you by your friendly neighborhood GayCo)

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