Jan Brewer’s Classic “Will she/Won’t she” Routine Getting America All Horny

Jan Brewer

Will Jan Brewer drag out her decision on a bill that would time warp the state of Arizona backwards to an era when America segregated its drinking fountains, just to keep her name in the headlines a few more days?  Or won’t she?  She will.

It’s pretty much a no brainer.  It would be unfair for Brewer to deny press and photogs the untamed carnal pleasure taking her picture and calling her for interviews, by “cumming” to a decision too quickly.  “I have to look at what it says and what the law says and take that information and do the right thing,” she said, biting her pinky, while her make-up artist powered her face and checked her teeth for stray food particles.  While cameras and lights sought the perfect angle, Brewer took one last glance at an index card, and manufactured hand gestures while seductively pouting her lips, mouthing the words, “Certainly I am pro-business, and that is what’s turning our economy around, so I appreciate their input, as I appreciate the other side.” Then she rehearsed wagging her finger at the camera, attempting to remind people about the time she was photographed scolding the President of the United States, hoping it would become her “thing”.

Jan pointing 2

Before cameras even began rolling, it was reported that CNN camera man, Gavin Johanson, and Fox News sound technician, Jorge Garcia both confirmed that they already “totally got wood.”

Arizona Realizes it has Become The ‘New Boob’ of America

AZboobFLAGSTAFF, AZ – In a startling realization on Tuesday, Arizona became aware that it is the new boob of America.  Many Americans thought that Missouri would never be able to be unseated as America’s #1 Boob after Representative Todd Akin said women’s bodies can somehow block an unwanted pregnancy in instances of “legitimate rape,” but in an ABC Poll, Arizona has pulled ahead by a significant amount. With the national media baring down on the Grand Canyon State it seems that none of its politicians gave any thought to the repercussions of legislating for legislation sake.  State Senator, Chester Crandell, openly admits to not personally knowing any gays but said, “That barista kid at the Starbucks is too animated, it makes me uncomfortable.  Just give me my damn Upside-down Carmel Macchiato with sugar-free vanilla”

Andrew Stevens, a gay volunteer for HRC and an avid traveler/outdoor enthusiast, had a trip planned to visit the Grand Canyon this summer.  He has since canceled his trip to the bigoted state and he laments, “I was really looking forward to the trip.  I have always wanted to see that vast, gaping hole of wonder called the Grand Canyon.  Gays love big holes.  This legislation discrimination just doesn’t make sense.”

 

 

 

VIDEO: GayCo Takes Sochi Talk to the Streets

Putin

GayCo interviews people on the street to find out their feelings about the Olympics in Sochi, Russia.  These are their stories…

 

 

 

10 Reasons Vladmir Putin Should Live with Me on Brokeback Mountain

Wikipedia tells us that Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin is a Russian politician who has been the President of Russia since May 7, 2012. But to me, he is so much more.  My affinity for “bad boys” runs deep. When I want bad, I go big. And no one is badder than President Putin. I believe that if we broke down some of his mental barriers, we could actually enjoy a sweet life together up there on Brokeback. Here are 10 reasons why:

1. His upper body strength will prove valuable in protecting me from animal attacks and keeping me warm during those cold Wyoming winter nights. 1

2. You know it could be like this. Just like this, always.

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3. He can channel his rage for America into protecting our daughter on the 4th of July from classless hillbilly rednecks.

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4. The man knows his way around a pole.

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5. I like my knights without the shining armor, m’kaaay!

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6. That watch better be waterproof. He knows we don’t have Express for Men up on this damn mountain.

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7. He’s really into bears. They’re his Grindr Tribe. I can be a bear. Woof.

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8. He bought these sunglasses at his first Market Days last year for $10 and he thinks they’re really cute bless his heart.

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9. I don’t like guns. Like, I don’t think they should be legal or anything. But I mean come on. He’s basically Bruce Willis from Die Hard with a rosary, but actually gay. Drool!

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10. I’ve got a thing for DL guys. Sue me. Oh Vladimir, I wish I knew how to quit you.

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-Contributed by Ensemble Member Robin Trevinorobin

VIDEO: Johnny Needs Some Olympic Cheer

Putin

Johnny needs some Olympic Cheer

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