Janet Huckabee “Stands by her Man”

HuckabeeHOPE, AR – Former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee is not sleeping on the couch tonight – and it is not because his wife wasn’t mortified by his statements to the Republican National Committee at their annual luncheon on Thursday. At the Washington luncheon, Gov. Huckabee alluded to the fact that Democrats were trying to win over female voters by promising them birth control and telling them they cannot manage “their libido or their reproductive system without the help of the government.”

In a dutiful show of support, Janet Huckabee has volunteered to show the women of America that it is, indeed, possible to control their libido without government assistance. “All you have to do is spend 15 minutes or so with your husband,” the former Arkansas first lady told the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette, “at least, that is what I do.”

Mrs. Huckabee insists, “It’s not my libido that’s the problem.  The problem is my husband’s mouth.  Every time he opens it, any desire I had for him evaporates.”  This is why, Mrs. Huckabee claims, she is able to support her husband’s statements.  “It is my duty as a wife to support my husband. If I share my story with American women, perhaps they can learn new ways to control their libido without relying on the Federal government.”  She claims her method is fool-proof.  She tries to spend at least 15 minutes per day in the presence of her husband.  “Sometimes, it doesn’t even take that long.” reports Mrs. Huckabee, “you know?  Sometimes all I have to do is look at him and I know that the only emotion I’ll feel that day is rage.”

Mrs. Huckabee insists that she has had her libido “in check” since 1992.  That same year, Gov. Huckabee suffered a devastating loss in his bid to unseat incumbent Dale Bumpers from his long held Senate Seat.  That is when, according to the former Arkansas First Lady, “he lost all of his powers.”  When asked to clarify, Mrs. Huckabee confirmed that this was both in and out of the bedroom – “He was impotent – personally, professionally.  It was pathetic.”

Mrs. Huckabee kept her libido under control up until the Monica Lewinsky scandal hit the Clinton White House like a bomb.  “Something in Mike changed over those months,” says Janet, “he was re-born and invigorated by the scandal.”  Ms. Huckabee reported many changes in Mr. Huckabee over that time.  He re-created his image, which eventually led to a successful run for governor in 1996.  One notable change in Gov. Huckabee was his alter-ego, Uncle Sugar.  “That’s what he made me call him… in private,” Ms. Huckabee told the reporter, “it made him feel more powerful.  Like he could control all women, like the president [Bill Clinton].”  “So, for a while there, I guess I didn’t have my libido in check, but that all changed” she said, disappointedly, “I mean, he is who he is.”

Still, Janet Huckabee stands by her husband.  In light of his statements yesterday, Mrs. Huckabee reports that she will stand by him “until I can’t stand it anymore.”  Mike Huckabee could not immediately be reached for comment, but the young woman who answered his phone reported that he was on hold with Walgreens Pharmacy trying to refill his Viagra prescription.  It seems there was a problem with his insurance.



-Contributed by Artistic Associate Seth McCormick


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