Man Proudly Casts Vote For 14 Judges He’s Never Heard Of

 

RALEIGH, N.C. – After months of urging his friends and family to exercise their right to vote and support democracy, posting political articles to his Facebook and following poll numbers while at work, Tom Hilderbrook, 36, proudly cast his vote for president of the United States, a few Congressional races he had mild familiarity, six local officials he’d maybe heard of once, and 14 judges he’s never, ever heard of before in his life.

“I just checked all the judges off that belonged to my political party,” said Hilderbrook. “It felt really good.”

He then took an Instragram photo of his ballot receipt and shared it via various social networking sites as a testament to the power of democracy.

“The choice for president was crystal clear,” Hilderbrook added. “And I knew a little bit about that lady running for senate with weird hair, so I voted for her. And for the rest, it was Democrat all the way.”

The one exception was Judge Meredith Coonswallow of the 64th Ward, a Republican, whom Hilderbrook voted for because he thought her last name was hilarious.

“I mean, I can’t not vote for someone named Coonswallow,” said Hilderbrook.

Hilderbrook plans to spend the rest of the day reminding friends that he voted and shaming those who don’t, and making fun of those who he feels are uninformed.

“You have to vote,” said Hilderbrook. “It’s practically a matter of life and death.”

In other news, a new study finds that local judges and politicians have 17,000% more impact on your actual life than any mythologized leader who might live in a
house on the border of Maryland and Virginia.

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