At the young age of 2, he completed his first crossword puzzle … in the Wall Street Journal.
At 4 years old, he won his first Hot Dog Eating Contest at his summer camp, proving that he can suck down wieners like no other. He ate 1776 hot dogs.
At 8 years old, he competed in a Beauty Pageant at his local Pool Club. He swept the Poise competition.
In high school he was given the lead in the school play, crowned Prom King, and honored as Valedictorian. He did this all while remaining celibate by choice and playing various American Sports.
There are no records of his college years spent at American University or his time in fraternity, Delta Chi.
After college, however, he exceled at things like business, and filling out documents properly.
Brett often thinks about things like how to make more money, celebrities, helping physically and mentally challenged Americans, and American Sports. He also has a gym membership.
Where does Brett stand?
On America: America, Fuck yeah!
On being an American: Who doesn’t want to be the biggest, fattest jerk in the room? It’s awesome!
On Foreign Policy: All policies, instructions, and manuals should be written in English. English!!