Marcus Bachmann, Minnesota Bathhouse Patron, Won’t Seek Re-Erection

 

Marcus Bachmann_0

 

ST. PAUL – Eight-year member of Congress Avenue bathhouse Man Spa Marcus Bachmann won’t seek re-erection after a recent visit left him embroiled in a finance scandal. Bachmann, a six-time mayor of Man Spa of Foursquare and a leading figure in the spa’s recent teabagging movement, has decided to spend more time with wife and brunch-mate Michele.

“While I’ve enjoyed my time at Man Spa, I’ve decided there are better and more discreet ways for me to service the men of Minnesota,” Bachmann announced in video to his supporters on Xtube.

Some pundits theorize that the recent passing of gay marriage in Minnesota may have made Bachmann’s mayorship of Man Spa vulnerable. Others speculate that Bachmann’s recent financial scandal, where his credit card did not work at the lubrication vending machine, may have led to his decision to leave Man Spa for good.

“I love Minnesota, and America, and will bend over backwards, and frontwards, and sidewards, to help the men of this great state achieve their goals,” said Bachmann. “In some ways, my work is just beginning.”

Bachmann and wife Michele have kept a low profile since the announcement, and were recently spotted belt shopping at Talbot’s. Sources say Michele was droning on about something frivolous while Marcus, continually distracted by male passersby, nodded and offered occasional “Uh-huhs” and “Oh wows.”

 

(This is a fake news story brought to you by GayCo Gaybits!)

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