10 Ways to Use Poppers at Work

CAUTION

Gay guys love poppers

This why you should keep an extra bottle at work…

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1. Key Board Sanitizer

sanitizer

Everyone in the office is sick, No Clorox wipes to be found, pull your poppers
out and pour on a paper towel,
wipe down your mouse and
keyboard. Voilà!

 

 

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2. Air Deodorizer

Let’s face it, your co-workers are stanky! Well… open up a bottle of poppers, it’s guaranteed to over power their BO, I mean have you ever spilled that stuff on your bed?!?

 

 

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3. A Quick Getaway

Constantly looking for a way to getaway while sitting at your desk?

Get upset by everyone else’s ‘look at me, I’m at the beach and you’re fucking stuck at your desk during Polar Vortex #12′ pictures?

Well take a stiff of poppers and you won’t know/won’t care where you’re at for the next 30 secs of your life.

 

 

 

    4. Gum Out of the Carpet                      

gum

 You laughed really hard at the cute guy that sits across from you, gum flew out of your mouth, now it’s a black stain on the carpet. Pour poppers on it, it’ll come right out! #MarthaStewart

 

Poison

 

 

5. Flavor your Boss’ Yogurt

Not recommended, but if the Activia is just sitting there…

 

 

 

6. ‘Out’ Your Closeted Co-worker

coworker

Set poppers out on your desk.  When co-workers ask what they are, tell them “a new type of 5 hour energy.” If they ask WHY DO YOU HAVE POPPERS ON YOUR DESK?!?  Bust them! And then ask them on a date.

 

 

 

 

7. Nail Polish Remover

nails

Your Co-worker’s cracked, peeling nail polish is driving you crazy as she wrap-a-tap-taps her nails on her desk – Poppers+Kleenex will take that shit right off.

 

 

 

 

 

 

8. Cleaning the Office VHS Machine

VHS

I don’t know. No one owns a VHS but that’s what Beatnix makes me call them when purchasing so they must be good at cleaning VHS machines.  Maybe your job still has one that needs cleaning…?

 

 

 

 9. Burn the Place Down

burning

Who hasn’t thought about doing this?!? A gas can is too bulky to sneak in.  Poppers are portable and highly flammable.

 

 

 

 

10. Having Sex in the Washroom

Bathroom

It’s bathroom sex.  It needs to be quick.  Poppers help.

 

 If you would like to purchase fresh poppers – CLICK HERE

 

Written by ensemble member @claygoodpasture

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