Queen Latifah Proud to be Outside


After making headlines recently for allegedly stepping out of the closet and then swiftly reversing course, Queen Latifah has issued a definitive statement stating that she is proud to finally be outside.

“I don’t know what I was waiting for,” the Oscar-nominated actress told reporters. “It’s who I am and who I’ve always been. That is, someone who enjoys being outside during nice weather. I’m glad I finally came out of the closest door to the front yard so I could enjoy this beautiful day.”

Latifah added that she is completely “gay as in happy” about being outdoors.

“I just want to say, loud and proud, that I unequivocally love women who also prefer being active and outside on sunny afternoons. I am a homo sapien.”

When asked why she didn’t confess to loving the outdoors earlier, Latifah mentioned she was concerned if she said anything that Hollywood would only offer her roles as botanists, camp counselors, deforestation protestors and admirers of dykes as in the things that keeps Holland from flooding.

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